Authentic Self

I have been listening to ‘Light is the new black‘ by Rebecca Campbell, a beautiful book about light work, soul work and finding your calling.

I’m not sure I would have come across it, if it were’nt for it being my doTERRA team’s first book for our bookclub. But I am so happy to have been introduced to it. I am about half way through it on Audible, and right off the get go it’s been inspiring and has truly reached my soul.

I have always felt in touch with my authentic self, in one way or another. I haven’t been one to feel the stresses of trying to change myself to fit in or doing things I didn’t want to just because it’s what the ‘cool kids’ were doing. For that I feel happy. But it’s not to say there havent been times over my years that I’ve felt lost, not myself or wanting to please others. Because there have been many times and continue to be times like that.

I’ve kept a lot of my self inwards. Sure I shine true to who I am, for the most part, but there is so much more that wants out. There are the aches & niggles (as Rebecca calls them in her book) that are always at the back of my mind, deep down in my soul, that keep me aware that I have not gotten to my true life’s calling yet.

Whether it’s not saying what’s on my mind, not doing something because it will be a burden to others or just ignoring the whispers of my soul, I do all that on the regular. But, I’ve also held onto the knowledge that being ones true self is the best place anyone can be, and with that it’s helped me get through a lot.

Especially since becoming a mom, I’ve lost a lot of myself, but even before that too, I never really reached my true soul’s calling. Has it been fear? The unknown? I don’t know, but there has always been something holding me back. But the times that I just succumb to the callings, and do what ‘lights me up’ I feel myself break that wall a little bit more each time.

This year, I had our third child. She’s 2 months old today, and as somewhat expressed in another post, I wasn’t ready for another pregnancy so soon. My middle child is 2, my oldest 4.5 years old. Last summer, I did my first show since becoming a mom, and with that, I got a little bit of myself back. Performing, being on the stage, rehearsing, singing, dancing, acting; it all lights me up. And once I stepped back into it again last year, I felt alive. So finding out I was pregnant again, after having just started to feel like myself again, was a blow to my soul. Honesty right there. Not to say I don’t love being a Momma, but I also love doing theatre, and I needed a bit more of that in my life. Needless to say, I would be having just had a baby when rehearsals started for the following years big musical (that being this year. This summer. Right now). So I had it set in my mind that I would miss doing a show this year, and I slowly came to terms with that over the winter & spring months. But as the time came around for auditions & the first rehearsals, and once baby was earth side, I just couldn’t pass on being a part of it. I needed this. For myself. For my soul. So I’m doing it. And it’s filling my cup. Making my light shine. Making me smile.

So I’ve answered one of my soul’s calling, one of it’s whispers, but I know there is more out there, to bring my full authentic self forward. Because those niggles, whispers and aches all are still there in the back, deep down. Learning, educating & helping people heal with essential oils is a new ‘light up’ for me, and it’s quieting some of the whispers, but  I’m also still not sure what exactly it is that will calm those other ones, but as Rebecca suggests and talks about, it’s taking the small steps that are on the path to the big ‘ending’ that’s really important. Answering the small whispers as they come, to continue to do things that bring you joy & light, the things that fill your cup, whether those are big or small things or doings. (Like Photography, writing, flowers & living a healthy lifestyle are all things on my path that help keep me filled up). Give yourself permission, time & focus to listen. Listen to yourself & your soul, because it’s all there, within you, the ‘answers’ to everything you need, you want. You just have to open up to it. Pay attention & trust yourself.

It’s all a journey, a lesson, an adventure. Listen to your soul and your authentic self will emerge.

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